Murray Hill Pick Up Lines

Sweet lines to drop whether you're downing jagerbombs at Tonic or rocking out to eighties music at the J Tree. Because you never know when you'll run into another hottie in a light blue collared shirt accompanied with a black north face jacket and black square toe leather loafers... oh wait, if you're in the Hill, it'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.

1. "That's 'Leibowitz' with a 'B'." (contributed by Christy Purington)
2. "Didn't we hook up on the jitney?" (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
3. "Can I get you a shot of Jager?" (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
4. "You're a beautiful shade of orange tonight." (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
5. "I've got an extra ticket to see the Boss at the Garden on Monday." (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
6. "Studies show you can actually get tennis elbow from too much fist pumping to Bon Jovi."
7. "Who am i kidding. i don't read studies."
8. "Do you work at a hedge fund or a multinational conglomerate that services hedge funds?"
9. "Which sorority tshirt should i wear to the gym?"
10. "What company did you use to install the fake wall in your apt in your nondescript building above a Chase atm bank?"
11. "So do you watch your college football games at Tonic or the Hill?"
12. "Nice North Face jacket."
13. "I was the first person to chant 'so good, so good' in 'Sweet Caroline'."

Holiday cards for the client

As submitted to the company newsletter for December 2009

Season’s greetings, Happy Hanukkah. Retailers seem to carry an abundance of holiday cards, but alas, I couldn’t quite find the appropriate sentiment for my client, so I resorted to making my own.

My love affair with knowing your birthday

As submitted to the company newsletter in November 2009

The Water Cooler, huh? To the new hires, I still recall when I first received the Water Cooler. As a recent college grad eager to usher in a new era of freedom from material misstatement to the wild world of financial reporting, I pretended to read the OneVoice and Technically Speaking, but let’s face it, I didn’t get as riled up about consolidating Variable Interest Entities as my senior did.

As a new hire, the Water Cooler was something I could really get into. Pictures, restaurant recommendations, wedding announcements. Over the years, I have come to understand and appreciate the other Deloitte email newsletters and have even gotten excited about updates to the New Audit Methodology.

Over the years, I have also learned what truly makes a great newsletter here at Deloitte.

1. It helps if you can get a mascot, a face and voice to the newsletter, kinda like Oprah is to O magazine. AERS Weekly has Tommasino; One Voice boasts Jeff Kottkamp as its cover model; we have Ed; and Barry Salzberg is always sending out his own newsletters.
2. Colors are crucial. It’s Deloitte; the tasteful use of a palette of colors is encouraged, as long as the only colors used are blue and bright green.
3. Links, tons of links are always encouraged. They make your publication look researched and important. That’s why each month, when we compile the Water Cooler, we insert at least 15 fake links. Just bold a few words and people will think there are tons of data and additional information for whatever you just sent.

Setting Goals

As submitted to company newsletter in September 2009

I am a goal-setter, and more importantly, a goal-attainer. Like my other colleagues, my counselor and I got together and outlined some professional goals for the next year.

My counselor recommended these goals.

1. 100% utilization
2. Get involved in a BRG
3. Pass my CPA exam
4. Learn the new audit approach

I agreed to these goals.

1. 100% utilization
2. Get involved in a BRG
3. Get a CPA certification
4. Learn the new audit approach

This is how I will accomplish said goals.

1. Lobby to make time spent polishing Where’s Waldo figurines a work-related activity
2. Start a BRG focusing on speed-eating Nacho Cheese Doritos with chopsticks
3. Did you know you can be certified by the Composite Panel Association (CPA), which represents the composite panel and decorative surfacing industries? (http://www.pbmdf.com/)
4. Have you seen the new audit approach? It caps selections at 75. Of course, I am going to learn this.
   

Conclusion - sent August 28th

We are now Kenyans.
Kenya performed its once-a-decade census on August 25th, 2009. They perform it all within a one to two day period and encourage everyone to stay home to ensure they are counted. We were taking the overnight bus from Mombasa back to Nairobi, when around midnight a flood of twenty-something-year-olds boarded the bus and began polling the passengers for the census.

Yes, we were included in the Kenyan 2009 Census! Brent Vernon, Katie Seikel, and Tara Hagan are registered as Drent (no last name), Kate Serkel, and Tara Hagan, respectively. There were some language barriers that resulted in differences and Drent being registered as a female. We were pretty excited.

Conclusion

• I have the greatest friends ever. I posted the pictures here - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2346021&id=9604415&l=438e721a4a.
• Surprisingly, they didn't really sell postcards in Kenya, so I will make some and send them out. Forward me your address if you want one.
• If you're in New York, I am having a kickball game for my birthday on Saturday, August 29th at the East River Park on East 6th and FDR Drive from 3:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. There is some concern over the anticipated inclement weather, but seriously? It's kickball. I think we'll be fine. Also, I already paid for the park permits and filled out the paperwork, so I am still going.

Kenya - sent August 21

We wrapped up Cairo and headed to Nairobi where Brent picked us up at the airport. We spent a day in Nairobi exploring and then started a four-day safari through the Masai Mara and Lake Nakuru. Right now, we are back in Nairobi about to take a bus to Mombasa, which is along the southern coast of Kenya.

SAFARI
The drive through central and western Kenya and the safari were enjoyable -- rhinos, elephants, zebras, wildebeests, hippos, crocodiles, monkeys, the list goes on -- but the most remarkable part of the trip was when we arrived at the campsite outside the Masai Mara.

Brent has been to Kenya five times to build schools and teach English, and he recognized one of the guards/workers at the campsite. It was an old student from a school six hours away in 2003 -- David. He goes by Sammy now and has finished his primary school. He wanted to continue school but had to start working to support his family. We spent a good portion of our evenings talking with Sammy and enjoying the cool weather of the Savannah.

Cairo 2 - sent August 15

NILE
While walking along the Nile last night, Katie and I discovered the greatest activity known to man. We noticed these gaudy boats with neon lights and bumping Arabic pop. We were entranced and followed them. I have no words to explain the rest of the night.

For 1 Egyptian Pound (20 cents in USD), you can ride this neon fireball on water with about 50-100 other Egyptians for an hour on the Nile. The music is ridiculous, and the boat is filled with families and teenagers. We were probably the only non-Egyptians on the boat. A young girl and her friend got up and started belly dancing.

Yadda yadda yadda, Katie and I blew their minds with our sweet dance moves. It was pure bliss. They loved it. It was one of the greatest nights of my life, and at the end, they begged us to stay on for the next boat ride.

Again, the movie Taken started scaring me, and we left.

TODAY
We wandered around Islamic Cairo. We met some friends and drank tea and smoked sheesha all afternoon. We might go to some handball competition tonight.