San Fermin (Running of the Bulls) in Pamplona, Spain - Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Yesterday at 1:00 a.m. Emerson and I took a five hour bus to Pamplona to arrive there a little after 6:00 a.m., so that we could participate in the annual Running of the Bulls ("San Fermin").  We scouted out the course, and we'd done some research and numerous youtube viewings to understand the dangerous corners and risks of the course.  We took our places around 7:30 a.m. and waited to hear the rockets announcing the bulls' release.  They release about 6 bulls onto the 850 m course.  We started out farther along the course because we wanted to be ahead of Dead Man's Corner - the 90 degree turn where the bulls slam into the wall and skid along the course taking out a few people.  We only had about 200 m to run (Nick, I'm getting better at metric!!).  

Emerson and Noshia (who we met while lining up) waiting for the rockets to signal the start of the run.

While waiting for the run to start, spectators start to fill up the balconies above to watch the bulls.

Those bulls are fast, and they caught up to us in no time.  I always maintained a human shield about 2-3 people deep, so that I wouldn't be the first person the bulls would knock out, but to see them charging down the narrow cobblestone passageway just a few feet away from you was awe-inspiring.  At the end of the course, you go through a short tunnel to get into the arena, and I wasn't expecting to have 20,000 people in the stands cheering and chanting.  It was an unreal experience to run into the arena with the thousand other runners.  The ridiculousness doesn't stop at the end of the run though.

Definitely wasn't expecting to walk into an arena like this to hear 20,000 spectators cheering!

Once the bulls are in, they release another rocket signaling the end of the run, and everyone cheers.  But they released it too soon, and as all of the runners are on the floor of the arena cheering and taking pictures and finding friends and what not, another bull comes charging in, and we flee to the sides of the arena while the matadors lead the last stray bull to the holding area.  Then, they release one bull at a time and 80% of 600 or so people who made it into the arena try to stay away from the bull, while the other 20% runs up and taunts and teases the bull to get him to charge. They're idiots and most likely drunk. The bull will flip and knock over these people. After 10 minutes of taunting, the bull is tired and led back to the holding area. Then another bull is released, and the taunting repeats itself until all of the bulls have been cycled through. This takes about an hour.

We didn't take any pictures along the run. Because it is forbidden and because I was focusing on staying alive, but here is a video from a scene in the arena. The clip below is just 20 seconds or so, but it's just a sliver of what goes on for the whole hour. It's a good thing we didn't do it today because I read that 6 people were trampled in the Thursday run. It was an awesome once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Reflections on my job

A little background information -
I didn’t even think I’d graduate college because I never knew anyone who graduated college. I didn’t even pick a major because I figured I’d fail out anyway. The counselor gave me a list of majors and told me to pick one. I took the first one on the list – accounting.

My junior year, I took a food politics class. You’d read a Michael Pollan-esque book every week or you’d analyze colonial cookbooks to delve out implications of that community. Awesome class. I met the professor for office hours one day, and as I left, she asked, “What’s your major?” I replied “accounting.” She responded, “Want a job at [firm name removed] in NYC?” Her father was a partner in the firm, and he sent my resume in. I was the second oldest of seven growing up, and we didn’t go on many trips, so my interview at the firm was my first flight since I was adopted and flown from South Korea to Oklahoma. I liked the internship and loved living in NYC, so I accepted the job offer at the end of the summer.

So here are my three most memorable experiences at the firm. They are not all pleasant or positive, and I wouldn’t recommend all of these to everyone, but they are experiences that I will carry with me forever.

One, the time I was put on probation with the firm
My first few months in the firm, I received an issue of the Water Cooler. I was obsessed and wanted to be a part of it immediately. I emailed the Water Cooler but was denied because I was a first year. At the level meeting in the fall, I raised my hand and asked again if I could write for the Water Cooler. The NYC Managing Partner said yes, but then I was later denied again by someone in HR. This left me with one other option – start an Underground Water Cooler. The Underground started growing, and 21 issues in, I got caught. Within my first year at on the job, I was called into the NYC Managing Partner’s office for the Underground. His first statement was, “I’m just trying to figure out why someone would do this.” He was very kind about the situation, and he even asked me to write for the real Water Cooler. But it’s not the best way to start your career here. I had to sign something acknowledging that I violated firm policies by misusing email and that further violation would result in my separation from the firm.

Lesson learned – Those policies are legit. Also, writing for the real Water Cooler is one of my favorite parts of my work experience.

Two, Trapped in the Closet
I worked on a private equity client with four or five people for a couple of years. We had this tiny office with no windows, and we had up to five people in that room. The senior wouldn’t even let us throw away food items in the room for fear that it would stink up the already congested space. Someone was working off of a file cabinet. This was amazing. We knew everything about each other and we gave each other a hard time. I would literally cry every day from laughing so hard. A favorite memory with these people was rushing to the UPS in the Times Square Toys R Us because it was open the latest. Afterwards, we watched people play Dance Dance Revolution in the store.

The senior would each week work with us to put together a list of what needed to be done that week. At the end of the week, she would go through it line by line with the group. If we didn’t have it done, she would curse us out. Really offensive cursing; sometimes not even in English. If I gave her a sub-par workpaper, she would yell out in front of everyone “@#$%$%^&%$^*$)!!!” But she was always the first person to have your back if you did a great job. This senior was a real role model to us because she was so upfront in her feedback and so consistent in her approach, and we always knew that she genuinely cared about us.

Lessons learned – Feedback is the most generous gift you can give someone – especially if it’s specific and consistent. Also, those small offices with no windows are the greatest things that can happen to a team. I wish I could work from there with those people all of the time.

Three, “Mujhe India Mein Kaam Karke Achha Lagaa.” Hindi for “I enjoyed working in India.”
This past year, I had the incredible opportunity to work in the Hyderabad office. I was impressed at how the company’s culture translated to the India office. They had counselors and onboarding buddies and women’s events, but then they also had their own twists on the events – an American Idol style singing competition, baller parties with actors and athletes.

It was such a friendly office, and I was so proud to be a part of the firm because it didn’t consider caste or gender in hiring. It really offered stellar work opportunities for the best and brightest in India. I really felt like the team supported me – the NY team and the Hyderabad team. To really put the icing on the cake, I got to give a speech in the Town Hall meeting with 300 or so audit professionals. It’s brief, but that’s because I couldn’t memorize more than a few Hindi sentences.
Lessons learned – Experiencing the firm abroad makes you prouder to be a part of the organization. If you come up with ideas and get people on board, you have a lot of flexibility to try new things at the firm.

In conclusion
I honestly, never thought I’d stay here this long. I didn’t even take my CPA until my second year because I figured I’d quit by then. Each year, I felt like I learned something new and met new people and took on more responsibility. The increased responsibility and challenge is what made me like each year more and more.

When I was a high school senior, I wrote myself a letter not to be opened for five years. I found it a few years ago when I was home in Oklahoma. My greatest hopes for myself as a high schooler were to “not fail out of college and get a good job like a receptionist in a medical office.” I ended up nowhere near my “dream job,” but sometimes the greatest thing to ever happen to you is to not have your life plans work out.

Jeff and I Started an Advice Column at Work

Dear Milo
Introducing Milo, the Watercooler’s brand new advice column writer. Milo is here to handle the toughest of questions. Have a dilemma? Write in and let the doctor give you some words of wisdom. No question too weird or problem too out there. He’ll answer anything!

*****

Dear Milo,

My ten year high school reunion is coming up, and I definitely want to be the coolest person there. Any suggestions on what I can do/say/wear to really show my fellow Class of 2002 that I have really made it in the world? I would rather not engage in anything surgical but am willing to if necessary.

Thanks,
Clearly Wasn’t the Class President
Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Clearly, I love your determination and drive to show up your loser classmates. I think you are definitely on the right track! I actually just recently had my 10 year reunion last year so I know exactly where you are coming from. One thing that I have found works, is to focus less on bettering yourself and focus more on putting everyone else down. A 6 may not be a 10, but it sure beats a -3 every time. For example, it’s always easy to throw in a few back handed insults during introductions. “Hey Mike, I haven’t seen you a long time. Last time we talked, you used to be in such good shape. Man, those were the days huh? At least we have jobs and are making money now though.” (Side note: Facebook informed you that Mike lost his job 3 weeks earlier, and you already clicked “Like”.)

Best regards to the talk of Fort Greene High,
Milo

*****

Dear Milo,

What do you think of the Hunger Games? I don’t know much about them, but after being disappointed by the Twilight Saga and the Girl Who Kicked the Fire Dragon Tattoo series, I don’t want to give up a lot of my time to a new popular book series only to feel like I wasted my time.

Sincerely,
Looking for the next Harry Potter
Upper West Side

Thanks for writing in Looking! I think you may be asking the wrong question, however. You should probably be asking a medical practitioner how it is that you can be alive without possessing a heart. Wasting time on a new book series isn’t your number one problem. Your number one problem should be figuring out how to make your first friend, considering you lack any ability to feel passion or empathy, evidenced by your total lack of appreciation for the Girl who Kicked the Fire Dragon Nest. My advice to you would be to take the blindfold off and try giving Twilight another shot. You have a long path ahead of you before even beginning to think about your capacity as a human to connect to the Hunger Games.

All the Best,
Milo

*****

Dear Milo,

I started to get burned out of tickmarks towards the end of busy season. The letters of the alphabet in squiggly brackets. Any suggestions on how to jazz up my tickmarking skills? Or really how to jazz up any of my audit documentation?

Thanks,
Tired of Tickmarks

Great Question Tired! I actually received numerous similar inquiries. You are definitely not alone. I find that slipping in vulgarity can be a fun and exciting way to not only spruce up your workpapers, but to keep your reviewers on their toes. “D&T concludes that the variance is below CTT of $100. For more on this, refer to tickmark {#$%*}.

Have at it,
Milo

*****

Hi Milo,

I am excited about the new column! My friends loved you at PWC before you left for being censored! I’m thrilled Deloitte’s free media drew you to our newspaper! Just a quick question. My manager and senior manager have been taking staples and red pencils from the supply closet every night. They are depleting all of our supplies, and I have no idea why. How do I go about telling them without getting a 4?

Sincerely,
Out of Staples

Dear OOS,

Clearly you don’t have your ear to the ground when it comes to black market goods. Didn’t you know that after the black fly parasite wiped out the black rhino population roaming the Serengeti, there has been a severe lack of supply of pure black rhino blood – the key ingredient of red pencils?!? Since then, the black market price for a red pencil is about as much as the price for an HP laptop charger, which as any layperson would know has quadrupled in value ever since the tar pits outside of Las Vegas dried up. The steam off the tar pits fortifies the Velcro strap that comes with the battery pack.

Going forward, I suggest you read a newspaper every now and then. You could have answered this question yourself had you just picked up an US Weekly while in line at the checkout. You probably don’t even know about the latest drama on Teen Mom 2: Who Knew You Could Get Pregnant Twice!?.

Don’t talk to me unless you are caught up on Real Housewives: Nova Scotia.
Milo.

*****

Hi Milo,

I’m looking for the perfect 5 and ½ month anniversary gift for my girlfriend. The problem is she says I’m too clingy and has already tried to break up with me. What can I get her without coming across too aggressive?

Sincerely,
Every breath you take

P.s. It would have to be something that would fit through a doorway mailbox slot, as getting inside can be tricky.


EBYT,

How many times do I have to tell you!?! Even though the restraining order hasn’t gone through yet, you still can’t keep coming by my apartment and trying to tell me that it’s our “anniversary.” I will call the police again, and they know that I’m not your “girlfriend.”

Don’t ever contact me again,
Milo

*****

Hi Milo,

My girlfriend has been sleep walking and sleep talking frequently as of late. This wouldn’t bother me except for the fact that she swears at me a lot and has even hit me once or twice. The worst part is, when she wakes up, she doesn’t even remember doing it! She’s the best girlfriend a guy could ask for during the day but turns into Bobbi Brown as soon as her REM cycle kicks in. My relationship is in trouble, PLEASE HELP!

Sincerely,
16 Hour Romance


Easy, don’t sleep.

Problem taken care of. Hit me up when you have real problems, like how to tell your mother that she can’t wear a white wedding dress for her seventh marriage or how to de-louse your apartment after holding an illegal circus performance or how to tell your kids that they aren’t your kids but rather you just found them in a shopping cart next to their real parents at the grocery store.

M.

Liam Neeson's Sequel to "Taken"

As submitted to the employee newsletter at work (co-written with coworkers):

We recently heard that Liam Neeson is returning to the big screen in the sequel to his 2008 action thriller, where Neeson plays a retired CIA agent who goes out on his own to single handedly rescue his kidnapped daughter. These 80 action packed minutes are a tribute to the physical prowess of Liam Neeson as he dodges countless bullets, shoots a man’s wife in the shoulder, and overcomes the bad guys to retreive his daughter and deliver her to a singing lesson. We at the WaterCooler couldn’t help but imagine what the sequel would be like.

1. Deep in the woodlands of North Dakota lives a man so dangerous that authorities dare not step foot on his property. Life seemed peaceful for this Vietnam veteran. That is until one day when an old adversary tried blowing up his house. They took his child and his right lung, but they couldn’t take his life. Now he will stop at nothing to avenge his son’s death. This summer, watch as Liam Neeson uses an asthma inhaler like you have never seen one used before.

June 2nd, Liam Neeson is “Taken a Breather.”

2. Liam Neeson has a rough start at school, his mother had to fight hard to enroll this young lad into a school due to leg braces and his below average IQ, but he would go on to prove them all wrong. From inadvertently becoming the star of his college football team, to saving his captain in the Vietnam War, to international fame as a ping pong champ, to starting a shrimp boat company, to running across America twice, to eventually taking care of the young child he fathered with the long time love of his life.

It all started because this “Seat’s Taken.”

3. Meet Edward, a 60 year old stay-at-home dad with a penchant for trouble. While he may seem like you’re everyday garbage man, there’s a dark secret from his past, and this spring, he won’t be able to hide it any longer. Liam Neeson stars in “Taken Out The Trash.”

4. It’s like this every year. If you don’t make it by 6:00 a.m., then they will be sold out of their doorbusters toasters… and then how will you be able to make grilled cheese for breakfast in the morning?! But you won’t make it! The news reports already show lines wrapping around the block, and that’s just at PetSmart. A year’s worth of planning for Black Friday down the drain because your uncle Liam Neeson is “Taken His Sweet Time.”

5. Somewhere between making an appearance on stage at SXSW and recording the follow-up to the 2009 East of Eden album, she’s lost her skinny jeans and her Swedish accent. Will she ever get them back? There’s only one man who can locate these treasures and still get her to Bonneroo on time. Sit back and hold on tight as Liam Neesen pairs up with the breakthrough indie sweetheart songstress “Taken by Trees.”

6. Mistaken – a tragic story of a retired CIA spy, with Alzheimer’s. After attending his granddaughter’s sweet sixteen, his cab driver mistakenly drops him off in the wrong suburb of Lisle, Illinois. After entering a random house, he mistakes the family living there for his own. Convincing them over the course of the next fifteen years that they are indeed his family, every resistance is met by violent wheel-chair battle scenes.

This summer, do not say no to Liam Neeson asking you to wipe his wheels, because he is “Mistaken.”

7. You know the kids. They just took geology because they wanted to learn more about igneous rocks, and they started slacking off when the class moved on to metamorphic and sedimentary rock. They didn’t feel a need to attend all the lab classes and lectures. But not this guy. Watch Liam Neeson take over the class discussions and start up his own study groups this fall. Creating study guides seem like a good idea… until they fall into the wrong hands.

Don’t mess with the TA this year, because this class he’s “Taken for Course Credit.”

8. In a world where the greedy thrive and the good go hungry, one man stands up for what’s right. No CEO is safe from this vigilante. Hey Lloyd Blankfein, better watch your ass…ets.

Coming this fall, Liam Neeson is “Taken Care of Business.”

9. With the mounting deadlines and ever-lengthening to-do list, how will he ever get it done? Between the WAU, the statutory reports, and all the DPME and time and expense sheets to fill out, will he be able to complete Reg and FAR before his promotion to senior? Will his bonus for passing be large enough after tax to pay for a cleaner for his built-into-the-wall floor-to-ceiling aquarium in his small sixth floor walk-up? Find out if Liam Neesen beats the clock as he’s “Taken the CPA.”

10. Liam Neeson is “Taken it to the Streets” in this one-man reenactment of the Occupy Wall Street Protests, a 10-part series airing on the Oprah Winfrey Network on Sundays at 3:00 a.m. to 3:30 a.m.

YouTube celebration

Friday night we had a YouTube party. Basically, we set a computer up to the TV and people took turns dj-ing their favorite YouTube videos. Here are some of the submissions of the night - Miscellaneous

• Stanky Leg Baby


• BeWeave


• Coachella Sandal


• Madrid Fashion Week


• Double Dream Hands

Motivational

• Where the hell is Matt?


• The Longest Way

Music Video

• Fried or Fertilized


• Friday


• Smang It

News Clips

• Charlie Sheen Winning


• Hoodrat Stuff Wit My Friends


• Grape Lady

J-Shore + auditing

As Jeff and I submitted to the Company's internal employee newsletter Top 10 Ways to incorporate the lessons learned from the past 3 years of watching Jersey Shore into your professional growth at the Firm.

1. Training your staff - Much like Snooki took Deana under her wing and integrated her into the crew, you should take care of your new teammates and make sure they feel comfortable on the engagement.


2. Practicing work life balance – Gym, Tan, Laundry (GTL) isn’t just for TV superstars. It actually is an effective way to be productive on the weekends, freeing you up for more club time / reviewing workpapers at night.


3. Put friends and family first – Thursday night spaghetti and chicken cutlet dinners with your teammates


4. Respecting your significant other/spouse – Treat them with the same compassion and kindness that Sammy and Ronnie treat each other with (as a word of caution, steer clear of Fred Flinstone Toe jokes when coming home late from work)


5. Motivation and Serenity - Treat everyday like you're living at the beach


6. Work Attire - Dress and groom yourself like you are getting ready to pile in a cab and hit up the club (It’s Dress Shirt Timmmmmmmme!!!!!!!!!)


7. Communicating with management – When discussing status, speak as if you were pouring your emotions out to the camera for a heartfelt monologue. It’s our opinion that it looks much better when you have a cool beach background. We suggest using the web camera on your Deloitte computer while utilizing a green screen for all future meetings with the partners.


8. Handling criticism when receiving workpapers back - Don't let the haters get you down. So you got metaphorically punched in the face by your senior. Big deal. Take a tip from Snooki and pick yourself up and finish wau-ing your file.


9. Team Communication – It’s important to have team meetings. If you feel uncomfortable meeting with teammates in a hot tub like out J-Shore crew, try reserving a conference room for weekly status updates.


10. Work efficiency – Beat the beat up. Have you ever tried to listen to hardcore techno while doing workpapers, it’s the equivalent of an athlete taking steroids. Glow sticks and hair gel are reimbused by the company.


11. Communication – Using self-given nicknames around the office boosts team morale and really builds relationships. (Here are some suggestions - “Tommy Tickmarks,” “The Explanation,” DJ CTT”


12. Confidence – The “situation” didn’t get to where he is today (winning) by keeping to himself. Be proud of who you are and what you add to the team and don’t hesitate to let everyone know how good you are at auditing.


13. Just like how a Top Ten List only has 10 items, we took a cue from the J Shore crew and we didn’t limit ourselves to standard norms. That and we didn’t know which one to delete; they’re all pretty key suggestions.

Corporate University

As submitted to the Company's Internal Employee Newsletter I have a significant other of sorts. The term sounds a bit too serious, so I typically call him my manpanion. My manpanion used to work at a company that Deloitte audits. At dinner one night, he chuckles to himself. I inquire about what is so funny. He says, “We had an audit kickoff meeting today, and your Deloitte guy introduces himself as a senior.” He is waiting for me to laugh with him, but I don’t understand the punch line. Manpanion explains, “We were like - Senior? Senior what? Like you used to be a junior, but now you’re a senior?” Manpanion continues, “What like you have a campus (1) and your soccer team (2) is playing against KPMG for the state title? No, you guys probably have like Math competitions or chess tournaments with them. You race to look up accounting references (3). Beat PWC in the semifinals. Haha, you sign each others’ yearbooks (4)? You write ‘Freshmen suck. Class of ’06 rules. Keep in touch’?” I didn’t really know how to respond to this exaggerated imagination my manpanion had of Deloitte, but then the more I thought about it, when I diagrammed his diatribe, I realized,

1. They were building a Deloitte University campus.


2. One year, I did play on a volleyball team against other accounting firms. Also, I once knew a guy who played on an international Deloitte soccer team.


3. In college, I participated in the Deloitte tax case competition, where you do a mock tax case and research the Internal Revenue Code.


4. When I left one engagement, I received a yearbook of sorts made out of the 10-K for the client, filled with pictures and yearbook-like personal notes. So for all his fanciful imaginations and jokes, his perception may have been more accurate than he realized. Well, I am off to finish up the rest of my finals projects… er um… audit workpapers for my busy season clients.