I have not written an update since Peru, so here goes… in chronological order.
Peruvian Vestiges: How South America Changed My Life.
I left the Peru with priceless memories, new friends, and a wealth of unique experiences. What I did not leave Peru with was my work phone. This misfortune resulted in over $6,600 in stolen phone charges for calls made from Peru, Columbia, Venezuela, and Mexico. AT&T will not waive these charges on a work phone, and I have to take it up with my employer. Things are not looking good. Cost of trip - a little under $1,500. Cost of involvement with South American drug trade - $8,000 ($6,600 in stolen phone charges and $1,400 in legal fees should the DEA prosecute me).
Upgrade: We Might Be Up to Central Heating in About 20 More Moves.
I did not receive the hand-written letters and care packages you have sent the past month since I moved back in October. Let me recount how it all unfolded:
Monday: Receive call from roommate Sarah Lindenberg instructing me to not pay rent for the month
Tuesday: Sarah looks at an apartment in the Lower East Side and talks the broker down from $3,300/month + $3,000 broker fee to $3,000/month + no broker fee. She has skills.
Wednesday: Fill out paperwork and sign lease.
Thursday: Move.
Conclusion: we picked up ceilings high enough to walk upright uninhibited, a sink we do not have to use for the bathroom and kitchen, a bedroom wider than my arm span, and an additional roommate, Annabel. Win, win, win, win all around.
We Hope You Enjoy Your Stay: Because Meanwhile Some Stranger is Auditing the Sh*t Out of Us.
This brings me to the now. I have spent the past week auditing a hotel chain. I just show up solo, ask for the controller and have two days to audit the hell out of them. Tablecloths – depreciate over one year. Items left behind by guests – debit goods to resell and credit other sources of revenue. The valuation adjustment for spoilage of complimentary cookies and chocolates on your pillow, an allowance for clean-up after the annual Mold Removal Convention. There are entries for this.
I have met many characters on these excursions. My favorite is a thirty-four year old controller who invites me out for drinks at 5:00 p.m., though I return afterwards to keep working. During one of these happy hours at the bar in the nearby mall, she stands up and shows me the various tattoos emblazoned across body parts rarely exposed to light, especially not in public. "This one was when I separated from my husband." "These rose petals have the initials of my cats and my grandparents." "I got this one to help me get through my bankruptcy." It was all a cry for help. I loved her. I love America.
Farewell: Near, Far, Wherever You Are; You are Safe in My Heart and My Heart Will Go On.
I am finalizing the design for my holiday card and accompanying ink pen. Please provide your mailing address. Even if I sent you one last year, please resend your address.
Showing posts with label auditing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label auditing. Show all posts
Saturday, January 3, 2009
August Update
It's been a while since my last update.
By reading this email, you are acknowledging this message cannot be forwarded to:
Anyone at my work, especially if they are members of an Asian accounting society
Anyone affiliated with P.S. 243
Anyone on my roommate's tennis team
Saturday, August 16, 2008 – Asian Accounting Society Convention
Friday afternoon I receive an email from a manager at work asking for assistance putting together the slides for an accounting convention. I show up Saturday morning at the Grand Hyatt. Turns out it's an Asian Accounting Society Convention. Between the intermittent exchanges in foreign languages, I sense they are arguing back and forth. Awkward. So this is how I spend Saturday morning, surrounded by strangers speaking broken English, instructing me to type dates and such into Powerpoint slides and fake laughing at accounting jokes.
"I don't know if you want to order lunch at Cosi; did you see Footnote 7 in their 2005 10-K?"
I don't know, but the woman across from me isn't even Asian. I am thinking about making a motion to throw her out.
Thursday, August 21, 2008 – P.S. 243
New York has an annual community service day where flabby, pale cubicle dwellers attempt to paint a mural on the cafeteria wall of an underprivileged school, while wearing oversized t-shirts with their company logos emblazoned across the chest. This allows them to pat themselves on the back having painted the shape of a monkey green while dripping paint all over the gym floor.
I participated last year and had a good time and signed up again this year. I receive an invitation to an orientation on Thursday. Turns out, I inadvertently enrolled as a site captain. I'm scared. I have no clue what I am doing. So if anyone wants to show up on the day of and help me out, let me know. The event is on Saturday, October 18; the school is somewhere in Brooklyn. See you there.
Saturday, August 23, 2008 – I'll get your hair did.
Arthur Ashe Kids Day is one of the opening events for the U.S. Open. My roommate's tennis team volunteers every year. Sarah, co-habitant of 112 MacDougal, was selected at CBS to cover the National Conventions and had to leave for Denver – kinda like how I was selected to copy regulatory calculations at work and had to leave for the 4th floor but more prestigious. Therefore, I filled in for her at the event.
Saturday morning I find myself in Flushing Queens wearing a medium men's polo shirt. The team leader for the event, wouldn't let me tuck in the shirt because I "disregarded" her instructions and wore non-khaki colored shorts and I could "get her in trouble." So here I am supposed to greet kids and families looking like I am not wearing any pants.
They have face painting and hair braiding and other attractions at this Kids Day festival. The hair braiding booth was late; they didn't bring enough people. I was recruited. They taught me how to weave and bead hair. So I spent four hours Saturday morning in Flushing Queens, surrounded by a Caribbean family, weaving hot pink polyester hair and beads into strangers' hair, sans pants.
Let me know if you want your hair weaved. I do events, bat mitzvahs, weddings, etc.
Saturday, August 30, 2008 – America?
I am leaving for Peru. It says it's still in America, but I cannot find it anywhere on the map. I guess it's probably by Hawaii. It's my birthday present from myself. I'll send an email update while I'm down there.
Saturday, September 6, 2008 – Lots of Motion in Multiple Directions
I'll be back from Peru and want to go dancing. Please let me know if you can make it on the 6th and I'll email you more details.
It's been real. Hope you're all doing well.
By reading this email, you are acknowledging this message cannot be forwarded to:
Anyone at my work, especially if they are members of an Asian accounting society
Anyone affiliated with P.S. 243
Anyone on my roommate's tennis team
Saturday, August 16, 2008 – Asian Accounting Society Convention
Friday afternoon I receive an email from a manager at work asking for assistance putting together the slides for an accounting convention. I show up Saturday morning at the Grand Hyatt. Turns out it's an Asian Accounting Society Convention. Between the intermittent exchanges in foreign languages, I sense they are arguing back and forth. Awkward. So this is how I spend Saturday morning, surrounded by strangers speaking broken English, instructing me to type dates and such into Powerpoint slides and fake laughing at accounting jokes.
"I don't know if you want to order lunch at Cosi; did you see Footnote 7 in their 2005 10-K?"
I don't know, but the woman across from me isn't even Asian. I am thinking about making a motion to throw her out.
Thursday, August 21, 2008 – P.S. 243
New York has an annual community service day where flabby, pale cubicle dwellers attempt to paint a mural on the cafeteria wall of an underprivileged school, while wearing oversized t-shirts with their company logos emblazoned across the chest. This allows them to pat themselves on the back having painted the shape of a monkey green while dripping paint all over the gym floor.
I participated last year and had a good time and signed up again this year. I receive an invitation to an orientation on Thursday. Turns out, I inadvertently enrolled as a site captain. I'm scared. I have no clue what I am doing. So if anyone wants to show up on the day of and help me out, let me know. The event is on Saturday, October 18; the school is somewhere in Brooklyn. See you there.
Saturday, August 23, 2008 – I'll get your hair did.
Arthur Ashe Kids Day is one of the opening events for the U.S. Open. My roommate's tennis team volunteers every year. Sarah, co-habitant of 112 MacDougal, was selected at CBS to cover the National Conventions and had to leave for Denver – kinda like how I was selected to copy regulatory calculations at work and had to leave for the 4th floor but more prestigious. Therefore, I filled in for her at the event.
Saturday morning I find myself in Flushing Queens wearing a medium men's polo shirt. The team leader for the event, wouldn't let me tuck in the shirt because I "disregarded" her instructions and wore non-khaki colored shorts and I could "get her in trouble." So here I am supposed to greet kids and families looking like I am not wearing any pants.
They have face painting and hair braiding and other attractions at this Kids Day festival. The hair braiding booth was late; they didn't bring enough people. I was recruited. They taught me how to weave and bead hair. So I spent four hours Saturday morning in Flushing Queens, surrounded by a Caribbean family, weaving hot pink polyester hair and beads into strangers' hair, sans pants.
Let me know if you want your hair weaved. I do events, bat mitzvahs, weddings, etc.
Saturday, August 30, 2008 – America?
I am leaving for Peru. It says it's still in America, but I cannot find it anywhere on the map. I guess it's probably by Hawaii. It's my birthday present from myself. I'll send an email update while I'm down there.
Saturday, September 6, 2008 – Lots of Motion in Multiple Directions
I'll be back from Peru and want to go dancing. Please let me know if you can make it on the 6th and I'll email you more details.
It's been real. Hope you're all doing well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)