August Update

It's been a while since my last update.

By reading this email, you are acknowledging this message cannot be forwarded to:
Anyone at my work, especially if they are members of an Asian accounting society
Anyone affiliated with P.S. 243
Anyone on my roommate's tennis team

Saturday, August 16, 2008 – Asian Accounting Society Convention
Friday afternoon I receive an email from a manager at work asking for assistance putting together the slides for an accounting convention. I show up Saturday morning at the Grand Hyatt. Turns out it's an Asian Accounting Society Convention. Between the intermittent exchanges in foreign languages, I sense they are arguing back and forth. Awkward. So this is how I spend Saturday morning, surrounded by strangers speaking broken English, instructing me to type dates and such into Powerpoint slides and fake laughing at accounting jokes.

"I don't know if you want to order lunch at Cosi; did you see Footnote 7 in their 2005 10-K?"

I don't know, but the woman across from me isn't even Asian. I am thinking about making a motion to throw her out.

Thursday, August 21, 2008 – P.S. 243
New York has an annual community service day where flabby, pale cubicle dwellers attempt to paint a mural on the cafeteria wall of an underprivileged school, while wearing oversized t-shirts with their company logos emblazoned across the chest. This allows them to pat themselves on the back having painted the shape of a monkey green while dripping paint all over the gym floor.
I participated last year and had a good time and signed up again this year. I receive an invitation to an orientation on Thursday. Turns out, I inadvertently enrolled as a site captain. I'm scared. I have no clue what I am doing. So if anyone wants to show up on the day of and help me out, let me know. The event is on Saturday, October 18; the school is somewhere in Brooklyn. See you there.

Saturday, August 23, 2008 – I'll get your hair did.
Arthur Ashe Kids Day is one of the opening events for the U.S. Open. My roommate's tennis team volunteers every year. Sarah, co-habitant of 112 MacDougal, was selected at CBS to cover the National Conventions and had to leave for Denver – kinda like how I was selected to copy regulatory calculations at work and had to leave for the 4th floor but more prestigious. Therefore, I filled in for her at the event.

Saturday morning I find myself in Flushing Queens wearing a medium men's polo shirt. The team leader for the event, wouldn't let me tuck in the shirt because I "disregarded" her instructions and wore non-khaki colored shorts and I could "get her in trouble." So here I am supposed to greet kids and families looking like I am not wearing any pants.

They have face painting and hair braiding and other attractions at this Kids Day festival. The hair braiding booth was late; they didn't bring enough people. I was recruited. They taught me how to weave and bead hair. So I spent four hours Saturday morning in Flushing Queens, surrounded by a Caribbean family, weaving hot pink polyester hair and beads into strangers' hair, sans pants.

Let me know if you want your hair weaved. I do events, bat mitzvahs, weddings, etc.

Saturday, August 30, 2008 – America?
I am leaving for Peru. It says it's still in America, but I cannot find it anywhere on the map. I guess it's probably by Hawaii. It's my birthday present from myself. I'll send an email update while I'm down there.

Saturday, September 6, 2008 – Lots of Motion in Multiple Directions
I'll be back from Peru and want to go dancing. Please let me know if you can make it on the 6th and I'll email you more details.

It's been real. Hope you're all doing well.