Jury Duty in 2007

Sent 6/16/08

I have been on jury duty since Thursday, June 13th.

Schedule so far for Monday, June 16, 2008
9:30 a.m. – Show up on time. It’s not like they’re taking attendance and it’s not like it’s starting on time, but if your one objective for the day is to sit around and wait, you feel completely worthless if you can’t even show up for it on time.
9:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. – Sit on a bench in the hallway until told to take a coffee break until 12:00 p.m.
10:30 a.m. to 11:59 a.m. – Continue sitting on same bench in hallway setting record for viewing the most Facebook wedding albums in one sitting.
12:00 p.m. – Told to take a lunch break until 2:15 p.m.
12:00 p.m. to 12:05 p.m. – Exchange rolling of eyes and snide remarks with fellow commiserates
12:05 p.m. to 2:15 p.m. – Aimlessly wander nearby Chinatown and then return to write this email
Conclusion: Add in two hours of watching Melrose Place reruns and an hour of EBay bidding for Hannah Montana collectibles and you have my daily routine for any other day of the week.

Advice if you should ever be summoned
Well, the courthouse is located near Chinatown. So bring your list of all those errands you always needed to run in Chinatown – Rolexx watches, Fende purses, ReyBan sunglasses, the new Coldpage cd, etc.
Don’t bring a gun. Apparently, in this great United States, the most important amendment to the Bill of Rights, the Right to Bear Arms, is not applicable. Me, sitting in this courtroom, surrounded by fellow citizens, and I am forced to check my concealed weapons upon entry. It feels like doing your civic duty in Communist Russia.

What I have learned on Jury Duty
Everyone from high school and college is married (source: Facebook)
During the obligatory, annual Father’s Day phone call to Doug Hagan, the ever-so-lovable and always engaging Douglas informed me he served on the jury for a murder case back in the eighties. Verdict - guilty. So not only is Douglas responsible for putting the dog to sleep but also sentencing a man to a life in prison. Basically, the American criminal justice system rests in the Hagan hands. You’re welcome.