J-Shore + auditing

As Jeff and I submitted to the Company's internal employee newsletter Top 10 Ways to incorporate the lessons learned from the past 3 years of watching Jersey Shore into your professional growth at the Firm.

1. Training your staff - Much like Snooki took Deana under her wing and integrated her into the crew, you should take care of your new teammates and make sure they feel comfortable on the engagement.


2. Practicing work life balance – Gym, Tan, Laundry (GTL) isn’t just for TV superstars. It actually is an effective way to be productive on the weekends, freeing you up for more club time / reviewing workpapers at night.


3. Put friends and family first – Thursday night spaghetti and chicken cutlet dinners with your teammates


4. Respecting your significant other/spouse – Treat them with the same compassion and kindness that Sammy and Ronnie treat each other with (as a word of caution, steer clear of Fred Flinstone Toe jokes when coming home late from work)


5. Motivation and Serenity - Treat everyday like you're living at the beach


6. Work Attire - Dress and groom yourself like you are getting ready to pile in a cab and hit up the club (It’s Dress Shirt Timmmmmmmme!!!!!!!!!)


7. Communicating with management – When discussing status, speak as if you were pouring your emotions out to the camera for a heartfelt monologue. It’s our opinion that it looks much better when you have a cool beach background. We suggest using the web camera on your Deloitte computer while utilizing a green screen for all future meetings with the partners.


8. Handling criticism when receiving workpapers back - Don't let the haters get you down. So you got metaphorically punched in the face by your senior. Big deal. Take a tip from Snooki and pick yourself up and finish wau-ing your file.


9. Team Communication – It’s important to have team meetings. If you feel uncomfortable meeting with teammates in a hot tub like out J-Shore crew, try reserving a conference room for weekly status updates.


10. Work efficiency – Beat the beat up. Have you ever tried to listen to hardcore techno while doing workpapers, it’s the equivalent of an athlete taking steroids. Glow sticks and hair gel are reimbused by the company.


11. Communication – Using self-given nicknames around the office boosts team morale and really builds relationships. (Here are some suggestions - “Tommy Tickmarks,” “The Explanation,” DJ CTT”


12. Confidence – The “situation” didn’t get to where he is today (winning) by keeping to himself. Be proud of who you are and what you add to the team and don’t hesitate to let everyone know how good you are at auditing.


13. Just like how a Top Ten List only has 10 items, we took a cue from the J Shore crew and we didn’t limit ourselves to standard norms. That and we didn’t know which one to delete; they’re all pretty key suggestions.

Top Ten Pieces of Advice on Surviving Busy Season

As included in the Company's monthly newsletter

Submitted by engagement teams
1. Eat Silly Putty while watching America’s cutest kitty videos on YouTube. After that, you’ll look forward to going back to workpapers. Nicole Luft on Soc Gen.
2. If you are an auditor, pick NFL teams like the Lions, Browns, Panthers, Giants or Jets to root for. That way you won’t miss a thing if you work on Superbowl Sunday. Nick Iosifov on Morgan Stanley.
3. The video chat calling feature on messenger was implemented so you wouldn’t have to leave work and waste time seeing your friends and family during busy season. Nick Iosifov on Morgan Stanley.
4. Purchase ProActiv Acne Solution and apply generously. Chris Cryderman on KKR.
5. Go to the gym. Matt Lorie on Evercore Partners.
6. Get enough sleep. And shower every day. Benjamin Hong on Evercore Partners.
7. Try to make a Friday happy hour – or do some Saturday day time drinking, if possible. Michael Ho on Lehman SIPC engagement – Trade Unwinds Team.
8. Develop a really bad gambling addiction, realize you have no time to actually gamble, and then feel good about conquering your addiction. Jeff Macfarland on Morgan Stanley.
9. Sleep in every Thursday. And by sleep in, I mean, turn your clock back 3 hours and get an extra 2 hours of sleep. This way, you’ll still make it in an hour early on Thursday. Jeff Macfarland on Morgan Stanley.
10. Think about all the fun you’ll have shopping for new clothes, either to replace the ones you got too fat to wear or to replace the ones that were ruined by the nightly tears/greasy dinner orders. Jeff Macfarland on Morgan Stanley.

Top Ten Lessons I Learned This Busy Season

Submitted to company newsletter March 2010

Top Ten Lessons I Learned This Busy Season

1. SIPC Agreed Upon Procedures, huh?
2. No matter how many hours you put in at work, your roommates think you still have time to do all their dishes.
3. No matter how meticulous or organized you are, there will always be an error with your engagement team’s take-out delivery.
4. There are 65,536 lines in an Excel schedule. Because anything larger than that means hours of frustration with an Access database.
5. ASC 820-10 = SFAS 157 = ASC 820-10. I’ll learn the rest of them next year.
6. The data doesn’t mine itself.
7. There is nothing like that wave of anxiety when you import a transfer file in AS/2 and have that 3 second wait period to see how many review notes you will have back.
8. You love the new Audit Methodology…
9. Except for the times you hate the new Audit Methodology.
10. “More than I ever wanted to learn about the Maritime Marine Act of 1920, otherwise known as the Jones Act” (quote from Herb Lohmann on auditing commodities)

Top Ten Reasons Why I am Okay With Busy Season

Submitted to company newsletter in February 2010 issue

That abusive mistress, busy season. It torments and teases and makes a fool of me, and yet I keep coming back to her. After a few years, I have come to terms with busy season, and thus have compiled my top ten reasons I am okay with busy season.

1. It’s seasonal. Like depression.
2. The data doesn’t mine itself. It needs me to mine it, vlookup it, if(iserror(cell, true,false)) it, goal seek it, basically just love on it.
3. It’s really good practice for the 10-Q. No? The other way around?
4. If you’re single, you get to ignore the whole Valentine’s Day hoopla.
5. If you’re not single, you get to somewhat ignore the whole Valentine’s Day hoopla.
6. It’s paradise for clinical insomniacs and masochists… basically vampires. And vampires are hot these days in the books and on the screen. We were all on the forefront of the trend years ago.
7. Think of all the new excel formulas you’ll learn. Party tricks!
8. After working that first Saturday together where everyone comes in casual clothes, you realize you would never recognize any of your coworkers on the street and they would never be able to recognize you on the street either, and this brings you great comfort.
9. Speaking of casual wear on the weekends, when else do you get to wear your Animaniacs™ t-shirt, tie-dye fanny pack, and black jorts to work? Other than in your dreams.
10. In all seriousness, when I look back over my past few busy seasons, these are the moments I learn the most and appreciate my teammates the most. So why not embrace the challenge and make the most of it. Best of luck!

Some New Year's Resolutions

New Years is probably one of my top ten favorite holidays of the year, so I started writing my top ten resolutions for 2010.

1. Be a better mother.
2. Quit eating my pet goldfish. Correction, quit buying pet goldfish.
3. Quit doing things for drugs.
4. Kiss a boy for the first time. Well, we'd have to be married first.
5. Insure my troll doll collection.
6. Start a troll doll collection.
7. Addendum to number 3. Quit doing things for drugs unless it's to build my troll doll collection.
8. Complete enough community service hours to get my parole lifted.
9. Get my arson charges dropped to just a parole sentence.
10. Quit crashing state dinners at the White House.

I will try to add more later. Needless to say, it's going to be a big year.

Murray Hill Pick Up Lines

Sweet lines to drop whether you're downing jagerbombs at Tonic or rocking out to eighties music at the J Tree. Because you never know when you'll run into another hottie in a light blue collared shirt accompanied with a black north face jacket and black square toe leather loafers... oh wait, if you're in the Hill, it'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.

1. "That's 'Leibowitz' with a 'B'." (contributed by Christy Purington)
2. "Didn't we hook up on the jitney?" (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
3. "Can I get you a shot of Jager?" (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
4. "You're a beautiful shade of orange tonight." (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
5. "I've got an extra ticket to see the Boss at the Garden on Monday." (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
6. "Studies show you can actually get tennis elbow from too much fist pumping to Bon Jovi."
7. "Who am i kidding. i don't read studies."
8. "Do you work at a hedge fund or a multinational conglomerate that services hedge funds?"
9. "Which sorority tshirt should i wear to the gym?"
10. "What company did you use to install the fake wall in your apt in your nondescript building above a Chase atm bank?"
11. "So do you watch your college football games at Tonic or the Hill?"
12. "Nice North Face jacket."
13. "I was the first person to chant 'so good, so good' in 'Sweet Caroline'."

Top Ten Internship Memories

Submitted to Company Newsletter in July 2009

I was a member of the Deloitte Intern Class of 2004. It was glorious. I recall lugging my Toshiba through the maze of subways, busses, and path trains.

1. A fellow intern and I decided to see how long Manhattan was one day, so we took the subway to 215th street and walked to South Ferry.
2. I made a lot of binders that summer, and I recall filling out “gray ropes“, which were just huge envelopes to ship binders back to the office to be archived. All interns and employees, be glad you don’t have to do those anymore.
3. For our intern community service day, we painted park benches in the Harlem area of Central Park. I recall having to paint around people sleeping on the benches.
4. I was assigned for two days at an international bank near Herald Square to reconcile the financial statements for a company using Polish GAAP to what they would be in US GAAP.
5. I recall filling out paper timesheets and faxing them in. Maybe that was just for interns.
6. One afternoon, my senior at the engagement was explaining something to me. I don’t recall what it was because I fell asleep right in front of her. I ran into her at a happy hour a year ago, and she brought it up.
7. We also went to a Yankees game one day. As I walked in, someone handed me a t-shirt. My fellow interns were curious why only I received one. Turns out, it was Free T-Shirt Day for kids under 13.
8. I was once assigned to an engagement in Brooklyn. Everyone told me it was a bad part of town. I looked it up when I moved back to the city to start working full-time. Turns out, the engagement was in now-uber-gentrified Williamsburg. I should have been buying up properties in B-burg when I was out there auditing.
9. One of my clients was in Jersey City. My parents were worried that I was travelling between states for work. It just sounded so far away.
10. Honestly, I still consider some of my fellow interns among my closest friends, so I encourage all the 2009 interns to take savor the summer and make the most of your internship experience by learning as much as possible on the engagements and keeping in touch with your fellow interns and teammates. For those who were interns at Deloitte, why not send an email or call up someone from your summer past.

Top Ten Review Notes

This was for an article for the company newsletter.

I have received quite the number of review notes in my day. Some are harsh , deservedly so, some are more just suggestions. Either way, below are a few of my more notable comments received.

1. Sometimes I wish you were good at your job. That’s not really a question, so I went ahead and closed the review note for you.
2. I didn’t really review this workpaper seeing as how we WAU-ed it a couple months ago.
3. Interesting. I have actually never seen the adjective “sexy” used in the 1540: Understand the Computer Processing Environment document, but somehow, you really make it work.
4. I must admit I have never seen tickmarks written in the font Wing Dings, but I guess when the client only speaks Klingon, it’s sometimes hard to put in writing.
5. I guess it’s easier to archive when you never did it in the first place.
6. Next time you do an analytic, you should use the financials from the company you’re auditing. You’ll notice it’ll be easier to compare the year-over-year change.
7. If you’re going to outsource your inventory count memo to mid 90’s R&B sensation Salt-n-Pepa, at least have them sign off as Cheryl James, Deidra Roper, and Sandra Denton, not just SNP.
8. The trick about referring to manual workpapers is that you have to actually have manual workpapers.
9. I must have told you a thousand times, but if you’re going to keep volunteering for Junior Achievement, you have to quit teaching Ms. Wilcox’s third grade class how to perform CMA sample selections. I can always tell; they aren’t too keen on the decimals.
10. Even if you do make the client dress up as Confederate general and reenact the surrender at Appomattox, you still can’t just say “Per discussion with Robert E. Lee on April 9, 1865.”