Top Ten Reasons Why I am Okay With Busy Season

Submitted to company newsletter in February 2010 issue

That abusive mistress, busy season. It torments and teases and makes a fool of me, and yet I keep coming back to her. After a few years, I have come to terms with busy season, and thus have compiled my top ten reasons I am okay with busy season.

1. It’s seasonal. Like depression.
2. The data doesn’t mine itself. It needs me to mine it, vlookup it, if(iserror(cell, true,false)) it, goal seek it, basically just love on it.
3. It’s really good practice for the 10-Q. No? The other way around?
4. If you’re single, you get to ignore the whole Valentine’s Day hoopla.
5. If you’re not single, you get to somewhat ignore the whole Valentine’s Day hoopla.
6. It’s paradise for clinical insomniacs and masochists… basically vampires. And vampires are hot these days in the books and on the screen. We were all on the forefront of the trend years ago.
7. Think of all the new excel formulas you’ll learn. Party tricks!
8. After working that first Saturday together where everyone comes in casual clothes, you realize you would never recognize any of your coworkers on the street and they would never be able to recognize you on the street either, and this brings you great comfort.
9. Speaking of casual wear on the weekends, when else do you get to wear your Animaniacs™ t-shirt, tie-dye fanny pack, and black jorts to work? Other than in your dreams.
10. In all seriousness, when I look back over my past few busy seasons, these are the moments I learn the most and appreciate my teammates the most. So why not embrace the challenge and make the most of it. Best of luck!

Dance Party Song Update for 2009

Each year, I update my little list of dance party songs. I have to add one to two each year. You know, if I am ever at a party and someone wants to dance, I can just look up some suggestions. I carry this list around in a little red notebook that I have on hand at all times.

2004 "Deceptacon" by Le Tigre
2005 "It's 5!" by Architecture in Helsinki and "In the Beginning" by K'naan
2006 "You! Me! Dancing!" by Los Campesinos and "Collection of Stamps" by I'm From Barcelona
2007 "Grip Like a Vice" by Go! Team and "Firecracker" by Voxtrot
2008 "Good Times" by Brazilian Girls and "Rearranger" by Mates of State
2009 "Psychic City" by Yacht and "Crown on the Ground" by Sleigh Bells

Note: The "Psychic City" link was filmed in our apartment. This was my roommate's film project for grad school. She had to make a video about doing the dishes. It's a fine, fine piece of work.

Some New Year's Resolutions

New Years is probably one of my top ten favorite holidays of the year, so I started writing my top ten resolutions for 2010.

1. Be a better mother.
2. Quit eating my pet goldfish. Correction, quit buying pet goldfish.
3. Quit doing things for drugs.
4. Kiss a boy for the first time. Well, we'd have to be married first.
5. Insure my troll doll collection.
6. Start a troll doll collection.
7. Addendum to number 3. Quit doing things for drugs unless it's to build my troll doll collection.
8. Complete enough community service hours to get my parole lifted.
9. Get my arson charges dropped to just a parole sentence.
10. Quit crashing state dinners at the White House.

I will try to add more later. Needless to say, it's going to be a big year.

Murray Hill Pick Up Lines

Sweet lines to drop whether you're downing jagerbombs at Tonic or rocking out to eighties music at the J Tree. Because you never know when you'll run into another hottie in a light blue collared shirt accompanied with a black north face jacket and black square toe leather loafers... oh wait, if you're in the Hill, it'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.

1. "That's 'Leibowitz' with a 'B'." (contributed by Christy Purington)
2. "Didn't we hook up on the jitney?" (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
3. "Can I get you a shot of Jager?" (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
4. "You're a beautiful shade of orange tonight." (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
5. "I've got an extra ticket to see the Boss at the Garden on Monday." (contributed by Barrett Sheridan)
6. "Studies show you can actually get tennis elbow from too much fist pumping to Bon Jovi."
7. "Who am i kidding. i don't read studies."
8. "Do you work at a hedge fund or a multinational conglomerate that services hedge funds?"
9. "Which sorority tshirt should i wear to the gym?"
10. "What company did you use to install the fake wall in your apt in your nondescript building above a Chase atm bank?"
11. "So do you watch your college football games at Tonic or the Hill?"
12. "Nice North Face jacket."
13. "I was the first person to chant 'so good, so good' in 'Sweet Caroline'."

Holiday cards for the client

As submitted to the company newsletter for December 2009

Season’s greetings, Happy Hanukkah. Retailers seem to carry an abundance of holiday cards, but alas, I couldn’t quite find the appropriate sentiment for my client, so I resorted to making my own.

My love affair with knowing your birthday

As submitted to the company newsletter in November 2009

The Water Cooler, huh? To the new hires, I still recall when I first received the Water Cooler. As a recent college grad eager to usher in a new era of freedom from material misstatement to the wild world of financial reporting, I pretended to read the OneVoice and Technically Speaking, but let’s face it, I didn’t get as riled up about consolidating Variable Interest Entities as my senior did.

As a new hire, the Water Cooler was something I could really get into. Pictures, restaurant recommendations, wedding announcements. Over the years, I have come to understand and appreciate the other Deloitte email newsletters and have even gotten excited about updates to the New Audit Methodology.

Over the years, I have also learned what truly makes a great newsletter here at Deloitte.

1. It helps if you can get a mascot, a face and voice to the newsletter, kinda like Oprah is to O magazine. AERS Weekly has Tommasino; One Voice boasts Jeff Kottkamp as its cover model; we have Ed; and Barry Salzberg is always sending out his own newsletters.
2. Colors are crucial. It’s Deloitte; the tasteful use of a palette of colors is encouraged, as long as the only colors used are blue and bright green.
3. Links, tons of links are always encouraged. They make your publication look researched and important. That’s why each month, when we compile the Water Cooler, we insert at least 15 fake links. Just bold a few words and people will think there are tons of data and additional information for whatever you just sent.

Setting Goals

As submitted to company newsletter in September 2009

I am a goal-setter, and more importantly, a goal-attainer. Like my other colleagues, my counselor and I got together and outlined some professional goals for the next year.

My counselor recommended these goals.

1. 100% utilization
2. Get involved in a BRG
3. Pass my CPA exam
4. Learn the new audit approach

I agreed to these goals.

1. 100% utilization
2. Get involved in a BRG
3. Get a CPA certification
4. Learn the new audit approach

This is how I will accomplish said goals.

1. Lobby to make time spent polishing Where’s Waldo figurines a work-related activity
2. Start a BRG focusing on speed-eating Nacho Cheese Doritos with chopsticks
3. Did you know you can be certified by the Composite Panel Association (CPA), which represents the composite panel and decorative surfacing industries? (http://www.pbmdf.com/)
4. Have you seen the new audit approach? It caps selections at 75. Of course, I am going to learn this.